#NBAVineRank: 15-11: Miami Heat just miss the top 10
By Ian Levy
Welcome back to #NBAVineRank, our latest project here at The Friendly Bounce. We’ve ranked all 30 teams in terms of Vineability, and are counting them down as we kill time in the offseason. Today let’s see who’s hanging out in the middle of the pack.
25-21: Hey look, there are the Pacers
19-16: This is the Lake Show, but don’t drown though
15 Phoenix Suns (5.875)
14 Orlando Magic (5.9375)
13 Atlanta Hawks (6.0625)
12 Utah Jazz (6.5625)
11 Miami Heat (6.625)
How soon does Hezonja take the crown from Chalmers as the league’s coolest Mario?
Jack (@jackhaveitall): He already has.
Chris (@ChrisBarnewall): That happened longgggggg ago.
Taylor (@TaylorBojangles): The real question is whether or not someone can come along and steal Chalmers’ title as the league’s uncoolest Mario.
Wes (@wcgoldberg): Never. Chalmers has the irrational swagger that is the definition of cool.
Zach (@ZachOliverNBA): Well… He probably already has, as Jack documented. Moreover, Hezonja just has a confidence about him that just adds to him and his swagger.
Wesley (@wshareNBA): Hez has been cooler than Chalmers since he started with KK Zagreb when he was 13. It was over the second he walked through that door in June.
Donnie (@donniebuckets): Yeah, that ship has sailed. I wish they were on the same time so Hezonja could yell at Chalmers like all his other teammates do.
Who finishes the year with more crazy blocks: Rudy Gobert or Hassan Whiteside?
Jack: Gotta go with the Stifle Tower here, but only because we’ve never seen Whiteside play a full season. Best case scenario though is that they both throw back all sorts of shots and this becomes too close to call.
Chris: I’ll go with Gobert mainly because I think the Jazz’s defensive system allows him to get more blocks than the Heat’s do for Whiteside.
Taylor: French Rejection, but nothing against Hassanity. Gobert is just slightly more awesome.
Wes: Hassan Whiteside has to get that 2k rating up, so I’ll go with him.
Zach: Gobert, and I’m not sure it’s close. Also, I’d like to point out Wes is going very homerish here with his Heat bias.
Wesley: Gobert. This will be the Year of Rudy (TM) with a full season sans Enes Kanter.
Donnie: Stifle Tower for sure. He might be the first player to block someone in a different arena with that length.
What’s up with the Hawks being this high? They won 60 games last year and I only remember seeing like a dozen Hawks Vines.
Jack: Yeah, I think this is just them being rewarded for being so good. They win, but they aren’t super Vineable except for Kent Bazemore and their bench celebrations. Big Al, Paul Millsap and Top Tier Teague are awesome, but people don’t really remember them for their electrifying plays.
Chris: The teams below them were just that boring.
Taylor: The only real Vineable thing about them might be Korver draining alllllllll of the threes.
Wes: Like Chris said, it’s more by default. The Hawks will at least be competitive throughout the season, so we won’t get bored with them. They seem like a team that could quietly rack up a bunch of Vines throughout the year.
Zach: I enjoy watching the Hawks. They’re like the double-a version of the Spurs, and the Spurs are Vineable thanks to their great basketball fundamentals. Plus, I like Jeff Teague and Paul Millsap quite a bit.
Wesley: Consistently competitive teams will always get the benefit of the doubt, but this is actually a pretty modest placing for a 60-win team. Their brand of basketball can definitely get redundant for the casual fan (Spurs Syndrome) and just plain boring for others who may favor a more jump-out-of-the-gym style of hero-ball, but there’s room for both in the Vineverse. I think this is perfect for them.
Donnie: I don’t love the Hawks Vineability potential, but it also has a high floor. At the very least, we’ll get some awesome passing and Korver going off. Low risk, low reward team that belongs in the middle.
Who is the most Vineable player in this group?
Jack: Maybe it’s just recency bias from his monster slam in the USA scrimmage clouding my judgement, but I’m going to go with Victor Oladipo.
Chris: The most Vineable player of this group is Dwyane Wade. Every season he does something incredible that just leaves your mouth wide open.
Taylor: I think healthy Aaron Gordon is a strong sleeper here. Dunkz for days with that guy. Otherwise, I like Eric Bledsoe a bit.
Wes: Dwyane Wade. He started his career by doling out Vine-like moments like they were cocaine-laced bills in Miami (even though Vine wasn’t around yet). More than any other player on this list, Wade has the moves–from the euro step, the old man post game, the attacking the basket, the passing, the transition game–to give him the greatest potential for a jaw-dropping Vine.
Zach: Now, this might be because I watch them play more than anyone else here, but I think the Magic should’ve been a lot lower on this list. They’re pretty boring to me overall. That being said, I think the guy in this group is Dwyane Wade. He just does so many circus things throughout the season, and it’s always worth the Vine.
Wesley: I think on a Vine Rate (patent pending) basis, Hezonja’s a real sleeper here, as is Gerald Green just for the jumps. But on the aggregate, Wade and Oladipo are neck and neck. I’ll give Flash the benefit of the doubt.
Donnie: I don’t trust Wade to stay on the floor enough, so I’ll go with Hezonja. This guy’s confidence is off the charts, and he’ll try anything. That’ll make for amazing highlights and epic fails. I can’t wait no matter how it turns out.