A dimension where the Toronto Raptors lose Game 7

As we all know, the Toronto Raptors were victorious on Sunday night. They did it. Before Sunday, the Raps hadn’t won a playoff series since 2001. That’s a whole 15 years of disappointment. They were swept by the Washington Wizards last season, devastated by Paul Pierce and the Brooklyn Nets the season before and so on and so forth. But they beat the Indiana Pacers and are advancing to the second round to face the Miami Heat.

However, I believe there’s an alternate dimension where Toronto lost last night. The universe is huge, ya’ know? There’s an alternate dimension where DeMar DeRozan gets called for pushing Ian Mahinmi in the back, the Pacers inbound the ball, make a three and the game goes to overtime, where Paul George dominates and wins Indy the series. We explore the aftermath of the Raptors losing yet another playoff series.

Immediately after Game 7, May 1st, 2016

A frustrated Raps fan, who just happens to be a paleontologist, found a way to combine old dinosaur DNA with animals to recreate the extinct beasts, like that one movie. Clearly sick of watching the Raptors lose, the evil scientist set the dinos free outside the Air Canada Centre. The fans who had stood in Jurassic Park were terrorized by several T-Rexes and other dinosaurs whose proper names I cannot spell.

Beginning of the 2016-2017 season

DeMar DeRozan became a free agent following the 2016 season, and the negotiations became tense. Eventually, DeRozan resigned with Toronto for the max, but his role had changed. The play of Norman Powell earned him the starting position at shooting guard, leaving only one spot for DeMar: mascot. That’s right. That silly ol’ Raptor you see running around the ACC, roller blading and messing with Robin Lopez? In the future that is actually DeMar DeRozan. (Editor Matt saw this in a premonition.)

Fall of 2017

The Raptors lost their first round playoff series once again in ’16, but this time to Isaiah Thomas, Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant and the Boston Celtics. Drake, the Raptors Official Ambassador, had become sickened by his hometown team. Drake resigned and became NBA Commissioner after defeating Adam Silver in a three event series, consisting of a rap battle, three-point shootout and a staring contest. (You can guess which Drizzy won.)

Anyways, with the Raptors Ambassador position open, Toronto native Justin Bieber seized the opportunity and takes over.

Summer of 2019

After several years, Bieber was somehow granted all the power in the Raptors organization. The team had won a total of 13 games since his arrival, and quite honestly, he was getting sick of living in Canada so he decided to move the team to Appleton, Wisconsin, where they continue to be mediocre.

Spring of 2020

Canada, saddened by the loss of their beloved Raptors, decides to revolt. They gathered up all the

mooses

meese

moosi

plural form of moose, maple syrup and other Canadian stereotypes and declared war against Bieber and the United States. After several months of death and destruction, United States President Pitbull surrendered to the invading Mounties. What did the Canadians want, you ask? They required ALL of the NBA teams move to Canada, and for US citizens to call ham “Canadian bacon”. Yes, they all moved to the North, and States were left basketball-less.

Thank you, Raptors.